How to write meaningful yearbook comments
It's that time of year again. The yearbooks are out and everybody's running about trying to force their friends to "sign" their book. Once upon a time "sign" meant to add one's signature to the book. Nowadays there's a bit more to it: a note is required wishing the best of luck to people and sometimes demanding that they "keep in touch".
But there's only so much one can say to be nostalgic and respectable in a yearbook message. Eventually you find yourself resorting to the cliché and trite statements that nobody wants to read and makes you look like an idiot 15 years down the line.
With that in mind, let's examine some of the usual cliches and how to avoid them. This way you, too, can write fun and exciting yearbook messages.
1) "We had some great/good times." No shit. It's bland. It's generic. It's the kind of thing you want to avoid. Instead, add a bit of innuendo to spice it up: "we had some great/good times... IN BED!" This is especially effective when the recipient is of the same sex as the writer. Homosexuality is always funny.
2) "It was nice getting to know you over the years." The underlying implication is that it was NOT nice and you don't know what the hell to write. Replace this with something (a) closer to the truth--"I wanted to kick your ass since day one"--or (b) a lot sillier--"I had sex with your mom/sister/dog... and it was nice getting to know you over the years." After all, if you're going to lie, lie big (I forget who said this but I believe he went on to do great things =P). And sex is funny. Especially homosexual sex.
3) "Good luck in college." If you absolutely must talk about college, don't wish the person luck because they'd be a success and you'd have more competition. Say something else, keeping in mind the Opposite Rule (if a serious statement sounds encouraging, the opposite is funny): "I hope you flunk out of college and have snakes inserted into your rectum." Sodomy is funny, unless you're talking homosexual sodomy. That is part of the homosexual culture and way of life and should be respected as such.
4) "Keep in touch!" Nothing is more irritating than flipping through an old yearbook and realizing that you never talked to this person again. Save them this irritation and leave them a much more delicate message: "Keep being such a crunk-ass motherfucker, nigga." Dirty words are funny, and so is racism. And always aim for efficiency; I left Nick Wang a message that had three sentences and used the word "fuck" five times.
5) "Remember that time we...?" They may be trying to repress this memory the next time they read the yearbook. Things like skeet on the face or stealing a car or getting sugar highs and waking up in the middle of a field can lead to significant mental trauma that can really screw up their mind later. On second thought, go ahead. Include details where necessary.
6) "I'll miss you" OR "See you next year." For people with very little sense of humor, simply use the other one. If they're not pussies and can take a joke, make fun of their mother or their face. Suggest that you intend to throw sharp objects at them.
7) "Have a nice summer." There are few things more boring than this. It requires the ultimate in pepping up: "DO NOT have a nice summer or I will insert you into an elephant's ass while skullfucking your girl/boyfriend." Better? I think so.
8) "You're a..." DO NOT say "nice guy" or "cool guy" or "quiet guy" or "funny guy" or ad absurdum. Few statements have more potential than "you're a...": "You're a nigger", "You're both a hampster AND smell of elderberries," "You're a very feisty little minx... IN BED!" etc.
9) "I stole your car" This is perfectly acceptable.
10) Use your imagination =)
