Hippopotamuses and Politicians

I was planning a serious rant a while ago about the War in Iraq and Cindy Sheehan and the general hypocrisy of the idology of a particular group of Americans, but I decided against writing it for several reasons: because somebody would have gotten offended and protested; because nobody really cares about politics except politicians and their critics; and because I have an college application essay due tomorrow that I didn't want to procrastinate.

As you can tell, all three of these reasons are bullshit. All lies aside, the honest truth is that the internet is a medium for entertainment, and there are much more entertaining things to read and write about than what some politicians now should have done years ago about a war that hadn't happened yet for reasons that would in the future be proven false--but seemed pretty good at the time--that the politicians should have known back then due to information that we discovered a few years later because we went to war.

For this reason (at the present time, I think it seems reliable), I will present an idea so radical that it's a cube-root, so outside-the-box that it loops around and is inside it again, and so amazing that I won't even think up another adjective to describe it. I propose the founding of a new political party based entirely on Truth. There will be no need to debate or discuss anything, since candidates from this party will speak only the Truth and therefore cannot possibly be wrong. Anybody whose beliefs still side with another party is obviously wrong because their beliefs do not reflect the Truth.

The official symbol of the Hippocrat party.

As elephants and donkeys are already taken, the party's symbol will be a hippopotamus. And, like a hippopotamus, the party will be strong and determined, unwilling to budge for even the most pugnacious of opponents. And after all, why should it? This "Hippocrat Party", as it were, will open its enormous mouth to expel from within it a glorious sermon of Truth such that all who allow their eyes and ears to fall upon it will be taken aback and forced to see the error of their ways.

With regard to several comtemporary issues, the party's platform is as follows:
•The War in Iraq - The number of casualties in the War is rapidly nearing a number more than what it currently is, so the war must be bad. Our troops may be fighting for what they believe in, but the war is wrong so what they believe in has to be wrong. What are they fighting for again? Freedom 'n' stuff?
•President George W. Bush - This man believes in the War in Iraq, so he is bad. While we would have supported the war had his claims been True, they were not and now we strictly oppose him. We maintain support for former President Clinton, however, because he only took us to war to liberate people from genocide and demonstrated a real sense of ethics.

A photograph of President Bill Clinton in action. He, unlike that crazy Bush fellow, demonstrates the perfect sense of ethics that the Hippocrats support.

•Scientology - Their freedom of religion should be respected.
•Censorship - It's wrong! Everybody should have the right to free speech, except those who disagree with us and are wrong anyway.
•The "Liberal Media" - It's not liberal! Sure, it's run by a bunch of liberals (except for Fox News, which is 100% conservative rubbish), but is completely unbiased. In other news, Bush's approval ratings are down after some noted entertainer made a racist remark about him with no justification, and 3 more people died horrible deaths in Iraq (the story of their grieving families tonight at 11:00). HOW IS THAT BIASED? It's not; it's Truth.

Actually scratch this idea. Somehow I feel like it's already been done. ^.^